Author: Admin account

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By Ron Larson

Reba Place Church hosted a Men’s Retreat on October 22-24, 2021, and invited Steve Thomas, USA Director of Mennonite Men, to lead our three day retreat. The original retreat was scheduled for March 2020, but the COVID lockdown forced us to cancel. It took us a year and a half to reschedule, but during that time, Steve Thomas and Don Neufeld wrote a new book titled, ‘Strong, Loving and Wise: Conversations with Men.’ Reba Place Church was excited to host Steve for the weekend to explore these topics together. The retreat was an opportunity to reconnect in person after the COVID lockdown and reflect on events and people that shaped us as men over the course of our lifetimes. The retreat helped us reclaim our identity as beloved sons of God who are following in the nonviolent way of Jesus, who are shaped into Christlikeness by both great love and great suffering.

On Friday night, we had a campfire, ate s’mores and told stories. We enjoyed meals outside and kept a fire going to keep us warm on the chilly Fall days. Due to Covid precautions, we masked up indoors and made the joke that we were there to discuss what it meant to be ‘MASKuline.’ That was a fun way to go deeper and set aside our ‘inner masks’ to open up and be vulnerable. Steve Thomas created a safe space for us to share from the heart and discuss topics that wouldn’t just come up in regular conversation. We spent time reflecting on power structures and violence and how we can engage powerfully with a combination of love and wisdom. We also took time to embrace who we are as beloved sons of God. This is an important and ongoing stage for us as we grow beyond violent or immature male stereotypes offered up by the culture. We spent time discussing the connections between spirituality and sexuality and to embrace both as gifts from God.

The new book by Steve Thomas and Don Neufeld, ”Strong, Loving and Wise,’ is a unique contribution to the men’s movement because it draws upon the nonviolent way of Jesus as the ultimate expression of human growth, both individually and for society. Steve incorporates elements of Robert Bly and Richard Rohr’s work, but delivers a uniquely Anabaptist vision for a thriving humanity pursuing shalom in the local church community. The format of the book is designed to foster conversation with over 70 topics to discuss. The book is a treasure trove of wisdom for men to explore together.

Steve rounded out the retreat weekend by being our guest preacher for the Sunday service. After a joyful time of prayer and singing, Steve taught from 2 Timothy 1:7 where Paul encouraged young Timothy with these words, ‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.’ Steve pointed to John Lewis and Martin Luther King, Jr. as men who served their communities faithfully and who learned how to use power and love to transform their worlds. By the time we finished our sermon discussion time at the end of the service, we knew we wanted to continue to hold space for these deepening conversations. We are excited to offer a monthly gathering for male identified folks to gather, listen and share in the nonviolent way of Jesus.

​Reba Place Church hosted a Men’s Retreat on October 22-24, 2021, and invited Steve Thomas, USA Director of Mennonite Men, to lead our three day retreat. The original retreat was scheduled for March 2020, but the COVID lockdown forced us to cancel. It took us a year and a half to reschedule, but during that time, Steve Thomas and Don Neufeld wrote a new book titled, ‘Strong, Loving and Wise: Conversations with Men.’ Reba Place Church was excited to host Steve for the weekend to explore these topics together. The retreat was an opportunity to reconnect in person after the COVID lockdown and reflect on events and people that shaped us as men over the course of our lifetimes. The retreat helped us reclaim our identity as beloved sons of God who are following in the nonviolent way of Jesus, who are shaped into Christlikeness by both great love and great suffering.

On Friday night, we had a campfire, ate s’mores and told stories. We enjoyed meals outside and kept a fire going to keep us warm on the chilly Fall days. Due to Covid precautions, we masked up indoors and made the joke that we were there to discuss what it meant to be ‘MASKuline.’ That was a fun way to go deeper and set aside our ‘inner masks’ to open up and be vulnerable. Steve Thomas created a safe space for us to share from the heart and discuss topics that wouldn’t just come up in regular conversation. We spent time reflecting on power structures and violence and how we can engage powerfully with a combination of love and wisdom. We also took time to embrace who we are as beloved sons of God. This is an important and ongoing stage for us as we grow beyond violent or immature male stereotypes offered up by the culture. We spent time discussing the connections between spirituality and sexuality and to embrace both as gifts from God.

The new book by Steve Thomas and Don Neufeld, ”Strong, Loving and Wise,’ is a unique contribution to the men’s movement because it draws upon the nonviolent way of Jesus as the ultimate expression of human growth, both individually and for society. Steve incorporates elements of Robert Bly and Richard Rohr’s work, but delivers a uniquely Anabaptist vision for a thriving humanity pursuing shalom in the local church community. The format of the book is designed to foster conversation with over 70 topics to discuss. The book is a treasure trove of wisdom for men to explore together.

Steve rounded out the retreat weekend by being our guest preacher for the Sunday service. After a joyful time of prayer and singing, Steve taught from 2 Timothy 1:7 where Paul encouraged young Timothy with these words, ‘For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.’ Steve pointed to John Lewis and Martin Luther King, Jr. as men who served their communities faithfully and who learned how to use power and love to transform their worlds. By the time we finished our sermon discussion time at the end of the service, we knew we wanted to continue to hold space for these deepening conversations. We are excited to offer a monthly gathering for male identified folks to gather, listen and share in the nonviolent way of Jesus.

At Mennonite Church USA’s biannual convention, Mennonite Men engaged with convention attendees in two in-person seminars. The first seminar explored tree planting as a way for congregations to engage in creation care and the second addressed issues of healthy masculinity and identity.

On Wednesday, July 7, Steve Thomas, U.S. director of Mennonite Men Men, led a seminar on planting trees to help restore the earth. Thomas led participants in discussion on the critical place of trees in God’s creation, evident in the fact that the very first and last chapters of the Bible feature the trees of life. Based on a long list of their benefits for our communities and ecosystems, participants recognized the importance of planting and protecting trees. Thomas then presented how people can participate in the Mennonite Men JoinTrees campaign to plant one million trees by 2030 to help slow climate change and restore the earth.

On Thursday, July 8, Thomas led a seminar discussing the phrase, ‘Be a man.’ While men and boys are often told to be a man, what does this mean? Thinking of conventional masculinity in American culture, participants responded that ‘real men’ are assertive, allowed to be angry, independent, strong, invulnerable, sex obsessed, don’t cry, don’t apologize, dominate, have guns, and drive truck, among other things. Participants examined what boys and men are called who don’t fit in the ‘man box’ and how this affects them. And they considered how this kind of masculinity impacts other genders. Thomas expressed that it was especially helpful to hear from women who were in this seminar.

Seminar participants then identified traits of healthy masculinity and what Jesus modeled. Participants stated that ‘good men’ are caring, compassionate, serve, express feelings other than anger, are inclusive, respectful, confident, empathetic, loving, selfless, able to confess and apologize, and listen, among other traits. The contrast and tensions between these two ways of being men became evident. Participants imagined what our world would be like if more men embodied these traits of healthy masculinity more than what conventional masculinity calls for. They imagined a world with more respect, love, justice and peace.

This exercise was drawn from the digital version of new book Strong, Loving, and Wise: Joining Conversations for Men that Mennonite Men will be publishing this fall. A print version of the book will be available later this year.

Clockwise from bottom, Don Neufeld, the editor of Peaceful at Heart; David Blow, Mennonite Central Committee

program associate, top left; and Rod Friesen, an MCC restorative justice program coordinator, plan their agenda for

week four of the online book club they facilitate dealing with healthy masculinity. (Screenshot by Rod Friesen)

Note: This story was originally published by Canadian Mennonite

For years Don Neufeld dreamed about providing a space where men could explore healthy masculinity from an Anabaptist/Mennonite perspective. During the month of June he co-facilitated an online book study for a diverse group of men, using a resource he co-edited with Steve Thomas, called Peaceful at Heart: Anabaptist Reflections on Healthy Masculinity.

According to Neufeld, the online gathering of 11 participants and three facilitators, responds to the “depth of interest and need” for this kind of conversation.

Neufeld is a social worker with 30 years of experience. In his therapy practice, mostly treating men, he sees “how profoundly men are hurting,” how angry, insecure and confused they are. But when he looked for material to touch these “hurting souls” he did not find much that included a Mennonite peace perspective. So he decided to do something about it. He, along with Thomas, gathered a variety of voices into one book.

In Peaceful at Heart, 16 men, including some from minority groups based on ethnicity, class and sexual orientation, address power, patriarchy, privilege, the Bible, peace, spirituality, community and discipleship. The chapters invite men into “difficult conversations” about healthy and unhealthy expressions of masculinity.

One of three women to contribute to the book is Carol Penner, assistant professor of theological studies at Conrad Grebel University College in Waterloo, Ont. She asks, “How can we talk about peace and masculinity without talking about intimate partner violence and child abuse,” which is “the elephant in the room that cries out to be acknowledged and addressed.”

Dan Epp-Tiessen, a semi-retired associate professor of Bible at Canadian Mennonite University in Winnipeg, wrote a study guide for the book, which includes a session on abuse, and suggestions about how to facilitate the heavy topic. The guide contains 10 other sessions, with detailed references to the book and plenty of questions to spark personal reflection, storytelling and conversations.

Mennonite Central Committee (MCC) Ontario, Mennonite Men, Mennonite Church Eastern Canada, MC Canada and the Be In Christ Church of Canada are all supporting partners of the project. Neufeld is the coordinator of Mennonite Men Canada, (the men’s organization for MC Canada) and Thomas is his counterpart for MC U.S.A.

Rod Friesen, who is also co-facilitating the current book study, is the restorative justice program coordinator for MCC Ontario. He saw the book as a useful tool for leading conversations in its Circles of Support and Accountability program. Since it is an important calling for MCC to build peaceful communities, Friesen also facilitated a pilot book study with his coworkers, which led to rich conversations.

As Friesen writes in the preface to the study guide, “We saw a need for resources that would encourage and foster conversations about masculinity in healthy ways—and point us to the author of our faith—Jesus.” It is an “overlooked area of study within our Anabaptist faith communities.”

Participant George Best says he appreciates how the facilitators create “a safe space for disclosure and trust within the group.” As someone who worked with men in the prison system, he was looking for insights into violence and the “dynamics of dominance and control” as related to the Mennonite community.

Neufeld and Friesen appreciate the sensitive nature of these topics. Friesen writes in the preface to the study guide: “Conversations around masculinity, especially what has become known as ‘toxic expressions of masculinity,’ have become incredibly polarizing.” It is a “courageous step for men to move into these uncomfortable conversations.”

Neufeld says, “I fully respect the passion and energy of naming centuries of injustice,” including sexism, racism and anti-LGBTQ+ attitudes, and “highly respect the need to privilege women’s voices in that context.” He suggests that the conversation can’t stop there. He wants men to be invited to the table, not to take over, but to expand the narrative on gender to include men’s stories.

He also wants to avoid the pitfall of men either “checking out” of these uncomfortable conversations because they feel judged, or “powering up” when they feel challenged. He hopes conversations around gender can “evolve into something more collaborative.”

The facilitators hope for positive ripple effects wherever the book is studied. Penner’s call in the book to go “from peaceful at heart to peaceful at home” inspires them. As Friesen writes, “These are critical peacebuilding conversations essential for creating safe, peaceable spaces in our churches, homes, workplaces, communities and society.”

They hope to mentor other men to lead study groups in the future. They are in the process of recording an audio book with Cedric Martin of Theatre of the Beat. And there are plans to develop a curriculum to engage young men.

Also, Thomas and Neufeld are just finishing another self-published resource called “Strong, loving and wise: Conversations for men,” which is a series of 70 shorter topic sheets that include questions to spark discussion.

For Friesen and Neufeld, normalizing conversations around masculinity requires humility and listening. Friesen writes, “The book is not necessarily an easy read, but it is an important one—perhaps even a life-changing one.”