by Martin Hofkamp
Magnolia Grove Monastery in Batesville, Mississippi is a center for mindfulness and reflection in the tradition of Buddhist monk and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh. Nine men had signed up for a 3-month retreat in order to learn the art of transforming our suffering together. Over the course of our time together, we became brothers.
Over the three months we spent hundreds of hours in meditation — sitting, walking, eating, and working meditation. We also learned the practice of deep listening and loving speech. It was an incredibly healing experience for us.
During working meditation I was digging a drainage ditch with one of the men, a gruff looking former Marine who was in his mid-fifties and still wore a hat with the Marine Corps insignia — an eagle, a globe, and an anchor. He dropped it while we were working, and I joked that I was going to bury it, and then challenged him about wearing the hat at the monastery, which was founded by Vietnamese folks whose country was ravaged by the US military during the Vietnam war.
Through conversation, he swapped out the Marine insignia for the Brazilian flag, which is the country where his children live. It was a visual realignment of his values. He had let go of the identity he had built through the Marine Corps and embraced a symbol of his true true family.
He recently sent me a text.
“I heard from a colleague at Target today that we (the United States) have been at war with Iran
for two weeks. I did not know as I do not consume news anymore. It wasn’t an overwhelming feeling, but I have this deep feeling of revulsion that is still lingering with me. The compassion I am able to feel has returned with a measured understanding now.
I remember watching a movie with a girlfriend in high school at the Cinema called “Boyz in the Hood” about the gang violence of the 80s & 90s and after; when we returned to her car to go home I just cried uncontrollably from the suffering that was portrayed in the movie.
I didn’t fully understand what I felt at the time. Joining the Marine Corps I closed my compassionate heart because I had to, and it has taken a long time to reopen it. A milestone of sorts.”
At the monastery we are taught a very important lesson about community, which is that we always carry with us our spiritual community. I was able to minister to a friend, but I didn’t do it alone. I did it as a Mennonite who was able to use my Christian pacifist foundations to engage in difficult and important cross-cultural conversations — not only with the peace-loving Vietnamese monastics, but more importantly with my Marine friend.
There are so many of us who are attached to identities and ways of being. My friend was attached to his identity as a Marine, and through our conversations he let it go.
I wonder about the identities I’m attached to. I wonder about Mennonite men — I notice that we often choose not to engage in difficult conversations and relationships because we don’t want to put ourselves out there. Perhaps it’s time to let go of our identity of being “the quiet in the land,” and have some difficult, important conversations with other men in our lives.
We now invite you to think about your own experiences. What moment, person, challenge, or unexpected encounter has shaped the man you are today? We encourage you to share that experience with Martin. You can submit your story to him using the link below.