One afternoon back in 2021, I crossed paths unexpectedly with a guy from church when we both pulled into the church parking lot about the same time, arriving before a gathering started. He was alone in his vehicle, head tilted back and looking exhausted. I went over to his van and we started catching up. To my surprise he told me he had just lost his job and his son was getting out of control at school and at home. After that conversation we started making more regular time for hanging out, usually around a backyard fire ring once his kids were put to bed. Our hangouts led to some humbling discoveries and confessions, as we both had really difficult personal stuff going on. The idea of forming a men’s group emerged. Would other guys in our congregation want to have deep conversations like we were having, to find ways to grow spiritually and encourage each other?
The answer was yes!
It’s now been three years since our men’s group formed, and the gathering has transformed how I feel about church, male friendship, and myself. For one thing, this gathering is not for talking sports, weather, or gossip. Each time we gather, there is time for each man to check in about what’s going on in his life. We ask for volunteers to help facilitate and bring food, one man shares deeply from his life (or leads a teaching of sorts), and we open and close with prayer. We have ground rules that help structure our sharing and listening, and we read aloud words that remind us all that we are welcome and in God’s presence.
Three years later, I still need this group. Why? Because it’s raw and unpolished. We confess and ask for help. We laugh. We sometimes say the wrong thing and hurt each other and have to apologize. We break bread together. In short, we are walking together. And it takes practice.
I write not to brag, but to offer permission for guys to spend intentional time with other guys. Many men out there—including those within church communities—are lonely and don’t know how to find male friends and community. There’s no formula for how to start friendships with other guys or how to start a men’s group. Sometimes it starts with a simple text, phone call, email, or ‘Hey, how’s it goin’?’ when running into one other guy.
Mennonite Men seeks to engage men to grow, give and serve as followers of Jesus for God’s shalom. We care about men, we pray for men, and we want to offer resources to men. Here are a few ideas and invitations—not a list of ‘shoulds’—for you or men in your life during this dark time of the year and as the new year approaches:
- Revive contact with friends past and present. You might be surprised that guys you haven’t talked to in a while may be in the same boat: they mean to reach out, but haven’t gotten around to it. If someone takes initiative, it could lead to a great connection. Many people—including men—have a hard time during the holidays.
- Seek support (beyond friends) if you need it. If you need to talk to someone who is trained to listen well and be a supportive resource, talk to a pastor, a therapist, a spiritual director, or a friend who might refer you to someone they recommend. This could include joining a men’s group or a support group. If you’ve got the energy, consider starting a group that has some sort of clear focus. Mennonite Men would love to be a sounding board if you want ideas (check out our website).
- Spend time outside of our own bubble, encountering men in everyday situations where we can interact and bear witness as followers of Jesus. For me, joining a local gym creates opportunity to interact with other guys in the community I wouldn’t otherwise meet. Perhaps the Spirit may lead me to strike up conversation with brothers there who are struggling.
- Go on a retreat, getting away from the fast-paced and technology-driven rhythms of daily life and work. Contact a retreat center near you. Check out Iluman’s website and their upcoming online or in-person men’s retreats. And if you haven’t heard, Mennonite Men is offering a men’s retreat at Camp Friedenswald March 6-8, 2026, with guest presenter Michael Martin of RAW Tools (registration is open).
- Offer yourself in some form of in-person service to others. Maybe this looks like volunteering in the community, becoming a mentor at church or in a local school, visiting elders who are often alone, or doing repairs or yardwork for someone who just had surgery or a family emergency.
We celebrate the birth of Jesus, who came to us as a child born into a dangerous world. And we anticipate a new year coming. Lean in. May you find ways to join with other men, and may you find that, in doing so, you discover new ways to connect with yourself, with Christ, and with God.